Painfully thankful

Accepting what you cannot control will always be the hardest task for me. Swallowing pride, anger, and fear will always burn a hole in my chest. Never the less, I will learn to accept things as they come. I will learn to enjoy things while I have them, and convince myself that some things come into my life to rejuvenate me, but they cannot stay. As it is their job to move around hearts, shift daily routines to wake people up.

Don’t think for two seconds that it is not devastating to let go of something I want so deep inside of me. Because it is. It’s an ache that i can feel in my bones.

Though it hurts like hell, it’s also comforting. Comforting that this someone or something made time to wake me up. Made time to rejuvenate my soul.

And for that, I will always be painfully thankful.

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My favorite what if

He confessed to me he wanted to wait

I spoke words of refusal to wait

Little does he know

I will watch the clock

Count the days

Until he decides to return home to me

Our time together sparked a fire in me

A fire that only passion can create

I will let this fire burn me alive

Until he returns home to me

But for the chance he doesn’t return home

There will always be a light on the porch

To lead him back

This fire will forever burn

For the man I am unsure I will ever have

Right guy, wrong time

The most painful thing in life

Is being given the chance to meet your soulmate

But timing not letting you keep them

You get to touch your dreams

Your imaginary life you’ve built since age 5

And for a second you know where you’re meanttobe

But the next second ticks by

And reality snatches your dreams

Your imaginary life you’ve built since age 5

And tells you that you are meant to be here

But not at this moment

Not at this time

Because when all things seem to be in place

You feel like you’re finally home

Time tells you “not yet”

All of a sudden

You’re lost again

Picking yourself up again

Imagining a new life for yourself

Waiting for the time to be on your side

For when you two both meet again

After all, he’s the right guy

Wrong time

She was a candle

She was a candle

She was protected with glass

With fire in her

Melting everything around her

But, bringing light

She was what you needed in darkness

She lit up rooms

In fact, she was everywhere

Lighting every room in the house

Once you were finished,

You blew

Blew out the flame you created

You got light bulbs for your home

You no longer needed a candle

And she accepted that

She’s lighting up someone else’s room now

And your lights are out

You need her

But, she’s burned out from you

You’re left with the scent of smoke

Darkness, and cold

With no ones breath to blame but your own

She is a candle

Here is my shoe, take a walk in it

My Domestic Violence Story

 

I just wrote over 18 paragraphs with my story. I deleted it. Why? Because we all have a personal story. Together our stories are so much bigger.

I was abused.

Domestic Violence

It happened. How, when, and why just doesn’t make me think that you’re going to want to read 18 paragraphs about it. The fact that I was abused made you click on this post.

I was abused. I’ve had guns to my forehead, I’ve broken my foot, I’ve had bruises and bloody lips, etc. I have been turned down from cops, the same people who are there for protection. What I will say in this blog is that YOU are not alone. You’re reading this post because you’re in it, have been in it, or you know someone in it. You’re not alone, they’re not alone, and we’re not alone.

Now that you’re here, I want you to know that I was in it and I am now THRIVING. I am so far from where I have been. I havetwo beautiful children from something so terrible. I have an amazing job that I got from pure luck. I have a wonderful life. I volunteer for domestic violence situations. (Can’t go into detail.)

I’m not sure why you clicked on this post, I’m not sure of your story or what you’re here for. But I do know our story is speaking volumes. Our situations are arising. Women and men are gaining their voices back from these ruthless abusers. Although I’d love to share with you my individual story, I want to hear yours. I want you to know I am here and that all of our stories are huge. Let me hear your story. Let me hear about you striving afterwards. Tell me, my ears are yours. Your story can change someone’s life.

 

Words have the power to save us.

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A little background before I share the difference this book has made in my everyday life..

  I work at a dental lab. You know.. the labs that make dentures. (I didn’t really know what it was either as I aggressively applied to a million jobs at one time.) I am a dental technician. My workplace is very Christian-based; not everyone in there is Christian, though the elderly man who owns it, is. He provides an opportunity to all employees a chance to speak with a Chaplin every week. Mr. Bill, good ‘ole Mr. Bill. This is not forced on any of the employees, it is just an opportunity. Well, I’m a small town southern girl. You give me a Chaplin and I’m going to spill my heart out, which I ended up doing. We talked about my kids, a little about my life, my parents, etc. Somehow or another I ended up talking about my love life. You don’t need the details of that.. because there aren’t any. Well Mr. Bill introduced me to “The Five Love Languages,” by Gary Chapman. It took me a while being that I’m not an avid reader, but I found my way to the nearest Barnes and Noble and got this book.

   Now, this is not a story book, it’s not a mystery book, none of that. It is informative. You may skim through the chapters like I did, trying to see if you can skip a few pages. Don’t do it. Fight the urge of thinking you know everything or that its basic information. This book covers love languages. Not only does it cover love languages, it covers specific dialects of each language. So you may know what “words of affirmation” means, but do you know the dialects? You may know the language of “giving and receiving gifts“, but do you know the specific details of this action and examples of it? I won’t beat a dead horse here, but I encourage you to read this book to get a little detail on your love life or your significant other. It’s simple, yet so powerful.

My love language is Quality Time and Giving/Receiving Gifts. I don’t need diamonds or expensive purses, but a flower that my son picks for me while we’re spending time together walking down a path will mean more to me than he will ever understand. Walking into daycare to pick my kids up and being handed “Happy Mother’s Day” cards or “My Big Red Truck” with a sharpened colored pencil blob on a piece of paper will make my heart stop. My children were thinking about me (or maybe their teachers were), but you get the point. Don’t you? I know my love language. Now I am able to decipher my children’s so I can speak to them clearly. This doesn’t mean their “I love you, mommy” doesn’t absolutely make every mess and dirt stain disappear. This just means that my specific love language speaks louder to me than other languages.

“Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate.”

Gary Chapman

Ever since I have read this book, I have constantly tried to figure out my family and friends’ love languages. I try to find a way to make them understand how much they mean to me; after all, life is too short to not let people know that you love them. My best friend for example; her love language is Words of Affirmation. I can give her a hand-made gift that means a lot to her, but writing her a note of how awesome she is and how much I appreciate her speaks louder than that gift does. Why? Because it’s her language. You have to understand people’s language. If they don’t have the same language as you, you might give them 100 gifts because your language is Giving Gifts, but they might want you to just say “I love you.” Those gifts don’t mean as much as they do to you. Find their language, express yours and speak to one another. On a whole different level of languages. Speak each others Love Languages.

Now, I’ve rambled enough about this book. I know you’re about to explode from wanting to close your laptop or lock your phone so you can drive to the nearest book store. What are you waiting for?! GO! Don’t forget to find out your love language using the quiz in the back of the book! After you’re finished, let me know how you liked the book, what you may have learned, and what your love language is. I’m curious to know how everyone speaks.